Mouthing the Words
by katieupatree
Summary: "She couldn't tell him yet, not now, not until the case was closed." Beckett has a secret that she is keeping from Castle, they all have a case that needs to be solved, and a desperate man has a gun in his hands. Things are sure to get a little angsty along the way, but all will eventually end happily. Caskett centric! Future fic. Rated T to be safe.
1. Part One

Hello everyone!

This is a story that I started writing a long time ago, and had forgotten all about.  
But I came across it when I was sorting through my computer, and decided that it might be worth posting - once I had rearranged it a little.

It is set about a year and a half after Always.  
Castle and Beckett are still together, and are back to working at the 12th with Ryan and Esposito.

I don't want to give too much of the story away, just reassure you that that everything ends happily for out favourite detective and her plucky sidekick :')

**Disclaimer: **Roses are red, violets are blue. I don't own Castle, and neither do you.

* * *

**Mouthing the Words**  
**Part One**

The precinct had been slow all week, the case load at first a welcomed break after weeks of relentless working, but the need to be doing something had soon slipped in around them. The 12th had only been put on one case, a burglary that had quickly turned catastrophic at the hands of once good men, desperation changing them into creatures unrecognisable from their true selves; a tragedy for the victims, and for those responsible.  
But what had at first appeared an easy mystery for the detectives to unravel, had soon hit a wall that they were yet to manoeuvre around. Their suspects were two brothers, Jack and Henry Finch, who had turned their hands to burglary in an attempt to save their families from financial ruin, one such feat turning into disaster when their victims had returned early from dinner, inexperience and panic seemingly behind the shots that were fired as a result. It should have been a simple case, closed within a couple of days at the most, but the Finch brothers had somehow found themselves a place to hide, so far evading all attempts that had been made to arrest them.

Now into their fifth day of searching through evidence that they had been through a hundred times and responding to tips that were each as phoney as the last, the longing to close the case was almost unbearable. Tension rattled its way around the precinct, building a little more with each hour that past, stifling the late August air that already hung close and sticky.  
Ryan and Esposito had been scouring through the interview tapes of their suspects' families for the entire morning, hoping to spot any tiny details that had originally been missed; anything at all that might bring them closer to finding the two men.  
Castle had soon lost interest in yet another day of waiting for a promising lead and had headed instead to the morgue, intent on pestering Lanie for details that would make the obscure murder at the forefront of his next Nikki Heat novel as keenly detailed as possible.  
Beckett was trying to concentrate on the murder board, hankering to decipher the truth that she knew it held somewhere within its metal frame, but her mind was elsewhere, her thoughts unable to stay still long enough to be of any help whatsoever. Her mind constantly fluttering to the secret that she had been keeping from Castle for the past week; something she was so desperate to share with him that she could hardly stand it, but something that deserved more than a passing conversation in the break room. She couldn't tell him yet, not now, not until the case was closed.

* * *

The break in the case came in the form of three anonymous tips, each one telling them that two men matching the description of Jack and Henry Finch had been seen entering an abandoned restaurant, its owners of four generations unable to keep the business alive had left the city some three months ago, the location too close to where the brothers had grown up to be a coincidence.  
Ryan and Esposito had gone to tell Gates where the investigation had lead, assuring her that it would simple from then on; a patrol car was already in place at both exits in case the Finch brothers left before they got there, and if not, their team would have the men in custody before they even realised that they had been discovered.  
Whilst the boys were with Gates, Beckett headed in search of Castle, her mind already flooded with the hope of heading home early, every second that she had to wait weighing heavy on her aching shoulders, her entire body tingling with anticipation.

The heat had been creeping up throughout the past few weeks, the humidity crying out to be broken by the thunderstorms that they had been expecting last weekend, the sickly air only adding to the tempered atmosphere of the precinct. As Beckett pushed open the heavy doors that lead to the morgue the rush of cold air that encompassed her had been so very wonderful that she had been filled with the sudden desire to find herself a little corner somewhere in the room to curl up in for the remainder of the case. But, alas, that was not an option that she currently had the choice of, no matter how enticing it sounded.  
So, after taking a moment to breathe in the freshly pumped through air, she allowed the stark relief of the refrigerated room to spur her on, its contradiction to precinct above a promise that there was a world away from the case that had dragged on beyond any of their imaginings, propelling her towards an eagerly awaited weekend dedicated entirely to the love of Richard Castle.

Rounding the corner, she had found the room empty except for Castle; with a day so quiet Lanie was out enjoying the sun before the inevitable call to examine a new body came. He was sat atop the farthest autopsy slab, nose buried in a pile of old medical files, pen spiralling across his beloved book of ideas at a speed faster than most people are capable of thinking, let alone writing.  
Walking over to the table, Beckett's heart fluttered a little at the sight of him, totally enthralled in the mysterious world that raged within his mind, completely unaware that she was within breathing distance of him. Sneaking her hand up to his work mussed hair, she ran her fingers softly through the front, bringing him gently back to the real world. And after almost an entire day of being separated from her beloved writer, Beckett couldn't resist the lure of his smiling lips, capturing them with her own and leaning languidly into his body. A kiss greatly needed by the both of them, an unspoken assurance that they would soon be wrapped in each other's arms with the entire weekend blissfully spread out ahead of them. A kiss begging to be deepened, pulling them dangerously close to the edge of the affection that they permitted themselves to give into whilst at work.

They had confessed their relationship to Gates a couple of months after Beckett's return to the precinct last September, promising her that they would remain utterly professional, vowing to do anything that it took to prove that they could still work effectively together. In the nine months that had passed since then, they had shown Gates time and time again that they could do this; that their relationship had only served to strengthen their partnership.  
Upstairs they were the epitome of professionalism, neither quite daring to push the boundaries of Gates' acceptance; but down here, amidst the cool air and far away from prying eyes, they were allowed to drop their guard a little, to simply enjoy the fleeting moments of tenderness that they afforded themselves.

Beckett felt Castle pull away, felt the struggle that raged within him, the struggle that mirrored her own; neither wanting to stop, both knowing that they had to. They had work to do, a lead to follow, an arrest to make; and the sooner they did so, the sooner they could go home. The sooner her secret could finally be revealed. A thought that pushed Beckett to take control; to drag herself from his reach and back to her reason for being there in the first place.

"We have a lead, the Finch brothers are hiding out in a restaurant not far from where they grew up, the boys are telling Gates and then we're heading out. It won't be a very exciting arrest, so stay here and keep working if you'd like?"

She knew that he would never accept her offer, the option to come with her, out in the real world of crime fighting and bursting through locked doors, was an offer too bright and shiny to resist. He really was a little kid on a sugar high, and Beckett was secretly glad for that fact; for his eternal enthusiasm that often kept them all going.

"Not a chance! You never know when you might need my expert skills of detection."

Ridiculous man! Leaning up to quickly kiss the smirk off of his grinning face, Beckett was sauntering out of the room before he had a chance to distract her any further, turning back as she reached the door to cheekily hurry him along a little.

"Come on, writer boy, we haven't got all day. Some of us have ruggedly handsome men waiting to spend the weekend with them."

* * *

They arrived at the restaurant within fifteen minutes, the surrounding streets were quiet, everyone busy with work, locked away from the sun bathed world outside their windows. The officers who had been watching the doors reported back to the team that neither man had left; both of the brothers were still inside the restaurant and had made no signs of leaving any time soon. They were, as far as any of them were able to surmise, hiding there until they believed it was safe to leave, completely unaware of the police who were mere seconds away from intruding.

The plan was simple, one which they had executed time and time again, as fool proof as possible when it came to making an arrest. Ryan and Esposito were to take the back exit, Beckett and Castle the front, both pairs would enter at the same time, leaving their suspects with nowhere to run, the patrol cars still in place as a last resort.  
All they had to do now was to strap of their vests, unholster their guns, and wait for their plan to play out as they intended.

Beckett could feel Castle's breath on the back of her neck, ragged and hot, clinging to the opening of her Kevlar vest, tingling the skin that lay protected beneath it. He was standing close, perhaps a little too close for work, but neither of them was willing to expand the distance.  
They were waiting for Ryan and Esposito to get into position, for the crackled words that would send all four of them into the unknown. However simple, however seemingly easy, there job was never to be considered safe, or the outcome predictable. They knew what they were doing, but that didn't make the task any less scary, any less dangerous.  
Beckett needed the closeness of Castle just as much as he did; the reassurance that they were still there, by each other's side, together in whatever met them on the other side of that restaurant door. A brief moment of comfort and support to make the task at hand bearable, a little love to see them through the day.

But it was a moment cut all too short by Espo's call to let them know that he and Ryan were in place, counting down the seconds before they were to burst in on the Finch brothers, his voice sounding strong and sure, pulling Beckett from the soft and gentle reverie of Castle's warmth, her mind quickly set to where it needed to be, adrenaline coursing through her body more and more with each number that filled the space between their bodies.  
Three.  
Two.  
One.  
Go!

* * *

The shouts of the three detectives reverberated around the desolate restaurant, bouncing between the walls, merging the rooms as one, echoing a little as they faded into the darkness. The power had been cut off, the windows boarded shut, the only source of light a messy array of candles that lined the walls of the dining room, casting golden shadows across the deserted room.  
The eerie light that surrounded them was the only sign that Beckett could find to suggest that the Finch brothers had even been there at all, the room in which she and Castle stood a blank box that offered nowhere to hide, and no clue as to where their suspects had fled. The problem with restaurants, even the ones emptied of everyone and everything that they once contained, are the sheer number of places that can be used to hide, the endless nooks just big enough to squeeze yourself into, safely out of sight as long as you stay quiet. And if there was one thing that Beckett had learnt about Jack and Henry over the past week, it was that they were adapt at hiding; but they couldn't hide forever, and they had nowhere left to run. It was only a matter of time before they were securely clamped in the handcuffs that had been assigned to them from the moment they had pulled that trigger.

They had systematically searched their way through almost the entire restaurant, all four staying close together, Ryan and Esposito covering Beckett as she took the lead, Castle for once doing as he was told and keeping behind them until they knew that it was safe to do otherwise.  
The air was weighted with uncertainty, its very atoms straining under the pressure. Every empty room adding to their desperate need to uncover the two men, to end the awful little game of cat-and-mouse that they had been forced into playing.  
Beckett hated the not knowing, the waiting for whatever lay at the heart of their search, the fear that it caused to creep along her bones, burying itself deep within, playing tricks on her mind. She had been on the job long enough to know that arrests like this didn't end well; the entire setting was too peaceful, too quiet, as if it too were waiting, waiting for something monumental to occur.

But Beckett couldn't afford to think like that, she couldn't allow the fear to take over. They still had one place left to search; a storage room at the very back of the kitchen, and she needed to keep calm, to lead her team properly, to focus on the job at hand.

* * *

All four of them had been so focussed on the storage room, so sure that it would reveal to them the Finch brothers that they hadn't even heard the footsteps behind them, the footsteps of two men who had nothing left to lose, who had reached a point beyond human desperation.

Jack and Henry had heard the whispered voices of the detectives outside the window and had hidden in the basement, the door to which was built into the floor of the dining room, unrecognisable unless you knew of its existence. They had thought that they were alone again, that the detectives had given up, that it was safe to come out. They didn't expect to walk in on them still searching the restaurant; pointing their guns and calling out at them, angry and determined and a force that the brothers had never intended to come up against. But they couldn't give up now, they had come so far, they were so close to freedom; they couldn't just give in and hand themselves to the police.  
Henry wanted to run, to hide back in the basement until they were truly gone, to stay unseen. The police couldn't watch the restaurant forever, they just had to wait a little while longer, wait until they were able to escape. They could do it; they could set up a life for themselves somewhere else and contact their families when everything had settled down. It wouldn't be easy, but it was possible. They still had a chance at life.  
But Jack had other ideas; he was tired of waiting, tired of always acting the coward. It was time to take action; they had to take responsibility for their own lives. The gun felt heavy in his hands, so small and yet so strong, stronger than the detectives who were so wrapped up in their search that they hadn't even noticed that he and Henry were stood behind them. They were an easy target, unsuspecting and unprepared. He could do this, he could fight, and he could win. Henry was right; they did still have a chance at life, and he was going to prove it.

* * *

To be continued..

Please let me know what you thought ..is it a story worth continuing?  
Good or bad, any feedback at all is greatly appreciated.

Thank you ever so much for reading,  
Katie


	2. Part Two

Hello everyone.

First off, I want to apologise for how long this has taken me to update - I know that I said Saturday, but I ended up covering holiday dates at the shop all weekend and didn't have enough time to do so.

And just before I get on with the story, I would like to say a huge, sloppy thank you to everyone who has read, reviewed, alerted or favourited this story. It is so lovely of you to do so, and honestly means the world to me. So, thank you!

**...**

* * *

**Part Two  
**

No matter how long you had been doing the job, no matter how many mornings you had gone into work knowing that it could be your last, knowing that danger lurked in the minds of the most ordinary of men, nothing could ever take away the fear that struck with the unmistakable roar of gun fire. Nothing could ever stop the pounding of your heart so strong that it filled your ears and hurt to breathe, the adrenaline that coursed through your veins just quickly enough to stop the trembling of your legs, the terror like nothing else in this entire world.  
But that day, that sickly August afternoon that was supposed to have been over hours earlier, that day made gun fire shrivel and wilt in comparison.

* * *

As Beckett turned to stare into the very heart of desperation, to face the brothers responsible for the shots that had sounded out mere fractions of a second before, she was met with a sight that threatened to crumble the very ground on which she stood, a twist of fate so devastating that it stripped her of the ability to move, to think, to breathe.  
The sturdy demands that Ryan and Esposito were directing at the Finch brothers floated all around her; strong willed shouts to put the gun down, to get on the floor, to give up the game that they had already lost. They were focused only on the job at hand, on arresting the men who had been foolish enough to believe that they could shoot them whilst their backs were turned and get away with it; blind to fear that had encompassed Beckett's heart, and blind to bullet that had left Castle broken and terrified and fighting against the horrifically enticing pull of the darkness.

The pain pressed down on Castle like the weight of the world, but it wasn't as he expected; it didn't burn, it didn't sear, it didn't scorch through his veins like poison. It reverberated deep into his body, shaking his bones and clawing at his muscles. It dragged him down, through the wall that he was slumped against and past the cold tiled floor that he didn't remembering falling to, down into the nothingness that was softly calling his name, pleading with his barely conscious mind to sink into oblivion. It was too heavy, too much.  
His grasp on reality was melting away; the determined voices of Ryan and Esposito fading to mere echoes, objects blurring into ethereal colours that could dance and sing and move away from where they belonged, his thoughts drifting like the waves of the ocean.  
Beckett was there too, she was everywhere; every molecule of light and sound was filled by the wonder of his beautiful Kate. She was calling softly to him from a destination far away from that dank and ruined restaurant, as if she had somehow personified the awaiting darkness. It was so very beautiful there, that neverwhere world; filled with promises of love and warmth, of relief.

He tried to fight it, to stay awake, to focus only on the crushing pain that was keeping him anchored to the world, but every shuddering beat of his heart sent Castle closer to its welcoming arms, closer to the almost irresistible oblivion.

* * *

Beckett was by his side in seconds; falling to her knees that shook too much to stand, grasping desperately at Castle's hand, clinging to its clammy warmth as if she could physically pull him away from the pain that was brutally twisting his handsome features. Words of love and hope clumped at the back of her throat and choked the air out of her lungs; they felt too small and insignificant, not enough. Not enough to save him.  
But she had to clear away such thoughts, to shake away the fear if only for a fleeting moment of blind courage, to cling onto level headed Detective Beckett long enough to do all that she could to save the man whom she so desperately loved.

His head was still swimming amidst the strange serenity; unable to make sense of the dancing light that filled the room, but Castle could feel how close she was to him, how very close. Her breath quivering across his skin as her hands pulled roughly at his Kevlar vest, whispering sweet sentiments of reassurance as she tugged his body free. He wanted to help, to take her hands lovingly in his own and promise that he was ok, that he could do it for himself, but his entire body felt like a dead weight, anchored and overwhelmed by pain.  
Instead he shut his eyes tightly against the world, and willed away the beauty that he knew to be evil in disguise. Beckett wasn't really a part of the living light, it was just a trick. He could feel the real Beckett, his Beckett, he found her within the pain and the pressure and the tears that leaked from his tired eyes. She was there, she was alive, and in the moment Castle knew that he would live a lifetime of the agony that wracked though his body as long as she was by his side.

Ripping off his vest with a strength that she hadn't been sure of, Beckett revealed the wound that wasn't really a wound at all, at least not one that could be seen on the surface. The bullet had been stopped before it could rip its vicious path through his flesh, embedding deep within the Kevlar that they all so greatly depended upon. But, she knew all too well that Castle wasn't safe, not even close, the angry bruise that snaked its way around his entire left side told her that serious damage was hidden below. A warning sign of internal bleeding and organs that were on the verge of shock; a secret assassin, a silent killer.

She cried out for an ambulance, her voice sounding foreign even as it left her shaken lips; too loud, too scratching, catching breathlessly on every word. Someone called back to her, who exactly she wasn't sure, not that it mattered. Help was coming, real help from people who knew what they were doing.  
It was going to be ok; Castle was going to be ok. _He had to be_.

* * *

To be continued..

Sorry for leaving it on somewhat of a cliffhanger, but it is all a part of my plan.  
& I certainly haven't forgotten about the secret that Beckett is keeping from Castle, that comes into play within the next chapter.

Please let me know what you thought? Good, or bad - any feedback at all is greatly appreciated.

Thank you for reading,  
Katie


	3. Part Three

**Part Three**

It felt to Beckett as if time had stood still, or perhaps it had never really existed at all; every second that she spent knelt beside Castle lasted an eternity, as if the world had pushed aside the desperate situation in which they found themselves and was leisurely dragging its feet along.  
She knew then how Castle must have felt all those years ago as his body had sandwiched hers between the damp grass of the cemetery; she truly understood for the first time why he had chosen that moment to confess his love for her. Fear that monumental, that utterly overwhelming, it creates a bravery that far outweighs anything you have ever felt before, it forces you to think and do and say things that you never normally would, it confesses the deepest secrets of your heart; and it does this all for love. You look deep into the abyss of darkness and heartache, you realise what your life would become without the person who is lying shattered at your side, and you find within yourself something so filled with wonder that it might just be enough to save them, to save you both.

* * *

Ryan and Esposito had handed over the handcuffed men to the uniforms who had been stationed outside of the restaurant; the case was over, they had all the evidence that they needed, staying with the brothers themselves would only have served to increase the rage that was brewing deep within. There would come a time for anger, for vengeance in the form legal trials and prison time, for a price to be paid for the thoughtless actions of desperate men. But that afternoon, no matter how impossible it seemed, hatred had to be the very last thing on their minds.  
Beckett needed them; not as detectives, not as men on a quest for justice, but as you need your family when your heart is so fragile that the drop of a feather could shatter it into more pieces than you are made of.

They were stood back a little, wanting to give Beckett a moment of time alone with Castle before the ambulance arrived and the paramedics forced her aside. They waited for help to arrive; waited for when Beckett would need them, watching as they did the scene playing out before their eyes, unable to do anything but stand in awe of the boundless love that was so beautifully evident between their two friends even through the pain and heartache.  
The love that fuelled the strength that Beckett had somehow found to not breakdown under the weight of the day, but rather to be there for Castle, to whisper words of reassurance so sweet that Ryan and Esposito weren't sure if they had any right to hear them, to hold his hand even as her own trembled more than they had ever seen. Strength first as a Detective Beckett, calm, level headed, doing exactly as she had been trained; and then as Kate, terrified and shaken and clinging to Castle as if to keep him alive.

* * *

Beckett had moved herself so that one leg was either side of Castle, her body hovering above his thighs, leant in as close as she dared for fear of adding to the pain that had turned his beautiful blue eyes dark and clouded with unbearable agony. Her hands quivered as they reached out for Castle's tear stained cheeks, tilting his handsome face towards her as she spoke, catching the attention of his misty eyes and begging him to listen, to hold on for just a little while longer.

"You have to stay awake, do you hear me? Castle, you keep looking at me with those beautiful eyes, you stay with me."

As she spoke, Castle's features flickered with something almost akin to recognition, his eyes searching through the sickly air for her, still not quite finding his way back to the real world.

"Kate?"

"I'm here, Castle. I'm right here."

"Please, Kate, don't make me go without you."

Beckett had wanted to stay strong, to keep herself together until the ambulance arrived, but as Castle spoke words weighted with fear and cracking under the strain of whatever tainted world he was being dragged into, she lost any trace of her calm headed resolve. All that she could do now was to bare her soul in the name of love, and hope that it would be enough to see them both through.  
She pressed her lips softly against his; a deliberate kiss laden with everything that they felt for one another, willing him back to her, forcing his attention to her words, to her touch, and to the beautiful secret that she couldn't keep from him any longer.

"Richard Castle, you are not going anywhere, ok? I'm not leaving you, and you are not leaving me," her words stuck around the edges, stuttered with salty tears that fell fast and free, making every syllable a little harder than the last. But she had to carry on, she had to find the strength to keep going, to tell him just how wonderful their lives were soon to become, "You promised me always, and that is what I intend to have."

"I think always might be catching up with me, I'm sorry, Kate. I'm-"

"No, you don't get to say that. You don't get to tell me that you're sorry, because you don't have anything to apologise for. This is not your fault, and this is not the end. You are not going to die, I won't let you."

"Kate, it's-"

"Sshhh, Castle, please just listen to me, ok, you listen to me and you stay alive. You have to fight against it, against everything that your body is telling you to do, and you listen only to me. I've got something to tell you, Rick. I've got something so very important to tell you, but I can't do so unless you promise me that you are going to live. Promise me, Castle; promise me that you still believe in always."

"You know that I like it when you're bossy."

Beckett couldn't help the giggle that escaped its way through her tears, not when Castle was smiling so sweetly up at her. His words were heavy with pain, sluggish and barely a whisper, but his joking smile made her heart flutter with warmth. It was a smile that meant he was still there, still with them, still making her blush like a school girl with a single glance in her direction.  
Kissing away the salty tracks that littered his cheeks; she took in a breath to steady her racing heart and leant in close to his body so that she could whisper the words that were meant only for the two of them; words that Beckett had been saving for the perfect moment, never imagining that it would be a moment such as this.

"We're having a baby."

She pulled away just enough to watch Castle's reaction, finding within his crystal eyes the life that she had so desperately needed to find; a determination to fight not just for her, but for their baby as well.

"You're pregnant?"

His smiling lips found hers as she nodded the yes that had caught in her throat, both so blissfully overjoyed that for a moment neither one remembered where they were. Beckett could feel the tremble of his body as he kissed her; his muscles straining under the agony of moving, the pain created by his need to reach out for her, to show his love for her; but she couldn't stop, she needed the feel of him, alive and passionate, the reassurance that she wasn't going to have to do this alone.  
All that mattered was that they had each other, and the life that they had created together.

* * *

Their moment was abruptly interrupted by the flashing blue lights and blaring siren of the ambulance, the room that had become entirely their own suddenly filled once more with reality, the harsh light of what was still yet to come.

Beckett heard someone asking her to move aside, a stranger making demands of her that she was too overwhelmed to understand, her ability to make sense of what was happening distorted by her need to stay with the man she loved. The paramedics appearing before her as the enemy, as the people who wanted to separate them, her head fuzzy and ordering her body to push them away.  
But then Ryan and Esposito were there; warm arms pulling her up, guiding her to the kitchen worktops that were the closest things to seating left in the restaurant. The metal cupboards were cold against her back, jutting painfully against her hips as she tried to free herself from the tight grasp that Esposito had on her, fighting against them both as they stopped her from watching what was happening to Castle, crying out at them to let her go.

"I need to see Castle; I need to be with him."

She knew that she sounded weak, pathetic and reduced to begging, but they were too strong to fight against, the hold that Esposito had on her too tight to pull away from.  
Ryan moved so that he was in front of her, forcing her to look up at him, to hear him in the way that she had made Castle not five minutes before, Esposito's arms feeling stronger still as she made a last attempt to get away from the words that she didn't want to hear.

"Castle is going to be fine, the paramedics are helping him. You have to stay here; you have to let them do their job."

"Please, please let me be with him. You don't understand, please just let me go."

"Beckett, listen to me," Ryan's voice was sturdy and sure, a stark contrast to the strange delirium in which she found herself, shocking her into understanding, "Castle is right over there, and he is going to be fine; he's getting the help that he needs. You can see him soon, I promise, but you have to let them do their job, you have to let them help him."

Swallowing against the tears in gulping breaths that wracked her body, Beckett resigned to the demands of Ryan; knowing deep down that he was right, that she would only be hurting Castle if she fought to stay by his side.

Her legs shook so much that Beckett was sure that she would fall to the ground if it wasn't for Esposito holding her up; his hands softer now that she had stopped struggling, her head buried against Ryan's chest as the enormity of the day began to sink in.  
Exhaustion in all its forms pressed down on Beckett as she clung to the love and friendship of the greatest men whom she had ever known, eternally grateful for their unwavering support, knowing that she wouldn't survive what was still yet to come that day if they were not by her side.

* * *

To be continued..

My apologies for again taking far too long to update this, I was a little stuck on what exactly to write.  
I finally have something that I am happy with, so I just hope that you liked it?

I wanted to say thank you for the kindness that you have shown my little story.. I can't believe that 53 of you like it enough to add to your follows, it really does mean so much.

I hope to not be too long with the next chapter - I will aim for under a week :)

Thank you for reading,  
Katie


	4. Part Four

**Part Four**

Beckett felt herself crumple into one of the plastic chairs that lined the A&E waiting room; each as cold and uninviting as the next, separating the terrified faces of friends and family into neat little rows of six that seemed so very out of place. Her hands felt empty, fingers ringing together in an attempt to fill the spaces that had been filled by Castle's seconds before, not knowing what to do with herself now that he had been taken past the point that she was allowed to follow.

She had been with him in the ambulance; hands holding tight to his, whispering nonsensical words of love as needles pierced his veins and machines that she didn't understand beeped angrily above her head.  
His eyes had turned cloudy again, searching the world but never quite understanding what he saw, morphine and saline diluting his perception even more. Beckett knew that he was too hazy to understand what was happening, she could remember for herself how it felt to be barely holding onto consciousness, to be drifting further from the world with every stuttered breath, but his hand had never left her own; his fingers curling tight and sure and alive, as if the very touch of her was somehow keeping him tied to the Earth.

But now he had been rushed away from her, their hands ripped apart too quickly to say goodbye, doctors and nurses gathering around the ambulance before she had even known what was happening.  
Someone – a nurse, or perhaps a volunteer - had guided her over to waiting room, to the all too familiar chairs; those greying plastic skeletons that seemed to be reserved only for rooms such as the one in which Beckett found herself, only for the broken hearted, the alone and the terrified. The woman had spoken gently, calmly, smiling softly in the way that Beckett had done so many times herself whilst on the job, the kindness of a stranger who can see the shattered remnants of your heart; the fear and the all too sudden loneliness.  
She had promised that the doctors were taking good care of Castle; the best care that they possibly could, and that someone would be out to talk to her just as soon as they knew what was happening. And then she was gone, apologetically excusing herself back to the work that she had been doing before the doctors had rushed Castle through to the assessment theatre – not wanting to leave the detective who had seemed so utterly lost as she had watched her partner disappear through the heavily swinging doors, but having to do so; there was already someone else in need of her help, someone forcing her to leave Beckett by herself and at the mercy of her own tortuous thoughts.

Every second that Beckett spent alone in that waiting room was unbearable, the clock taunting her as it ticked from its place on the wall, each deafening strike of the second hand causing the fear to clamp tighter and tighter around her heart; squeezing so tight that she felt breathless, nauseous.  
She knew that Ryan and Esposito would be there soon; they were following behind with their very own blue lights, navigating their way through the maze of hospital parking and crowds of people who were blind to the desperation that they felt. She just had to keep her mind away from the thoughts that were already threatening to push her to destruction long enough for them to make it back by her side; to survive the time alone without them there to hold her hand and promise that everything was going to be ok.

* * *

Eventually Ryan and Esposito had made it to A&E, ignoring the questioning glance of the receptionist and heading straight to Beckett, faltering for a moment at how little she resembled the Kate Beckett they knew. Her body folded in on itself, legs tucked up close to her chest, head resting atop her knees and eyes belonging to a world far from reality.  
But what they couldn't see was the hand that was pressed tight to her belly, ghosting circles that soothed her wandering mind, willing herself to stay strong for the baby who she already loved so very much, for their baby. A gesture so small, so hidden from the world, and yet so beautifully monumental to Beckett. Her eyes hadn't been lost to a place of darkness and trepidation, but rather of light and hope; memories of Castle's tear stained kisses that had been so filled with excitement, overflowing with love and with life.

Interrupted from her distant dreams by Ryan's quiet calling of her name, Beckett had just unfurled her legs and pulled herself up with aching muscles when one of the doctors looking after Castle came out to speak to her.  
He shook each of their hands in turn, introducing himself as Dr. Reynolds and listening in turn as Beckett tried to introduce herself as clearly as possible; words tangling together and catching on her still ragged breath. He assured her that they were all to be seen as Castle's family; that he would tell them everything that he knew.

Esposito had walked her back over to the chairs as the doctor started to explain Castle's condition to them, her body pulled in tight against his own, Ryan offering a comforting hand to hold as he sat down on the chair to her other side.  
All three of them listened intently as Dr. Reynolds spoke; explaining to them that the force of the bullet had caused the internal bleeding that Beckett had suspected all along, injuries that could only be fully understood through surgery, promising that he would be back to update them as soon as he knew anything more.  
It was the news that she had been expecting, the horrific waiting game that she knew they would have to play, but to actually hear the words – to know for certain that the man she loved was teetering on the very edge of life, it only served to increase the fear.

Dr. Reynolds hadn't missed the colour draining almost entirely from her pale, salt stained cheeks, nor the quiver of fresh tears that threatened to fall. He knew that the adrenaline keeping her going was running out all too quickly, shock and despair taking its place, shuddering through her veins like poison.  
It was the worst part of the job, to see the family and friends of his patients weighted down by feelings that they were too exhausted to understand, too scared to process. He always tried to help them, to offer them some form of comfort to make the waiting a little easier. He kept his voice sure and steady as he told Beckett to do her best not to worry; that they would soon know what exactly they were dealing with, and then they could fix it. He knew that it wasn't enough; but it was something, and it was all that he had to give.

Beckett was grateful for the kindness that Dr. Reynolds had shown her; the certainty with which he spoke and the truth of his deep green eyes almost able to soothe the terror that still shook her hands. He had offered her a small glimmer of hope amidst the cold and lonely darkness, a whisper in the right direction. It was enough to keep her dreaming of their future; dreaming of an entire lifetime of unimaginable love and happiness.

* * *

To be continued..

This chapter didn't end up quite as I had expected, but I hope that you still liked it?  
I promise that the next update will move the story along a lot more - probably to the penultimate chapter, if not the last.

Thank you ever so much for your support of this story.

Until next time,  
Katie


	5. Part Five

**Part Five**

God, she felt utterly helpless, useless, unable to do anything but stare at the cracks in the greying linoleum floor as she slipped deeper into her own tumultuous thoughts.

She had tried to phone Martha, to let her know what was happening, but the moment her voice had filled the line - so happy and carefree, Kate had be unable to do anything; she felt dizzy, shaken, barely existing at all. Luckily Esposito had been there, his voice calm and reassuring as he took the phone from her trembling hands and relayed the events of the day in such a way that promised everything was going to be ok. His words as much for Beckett as they were for Martha.  
And Ryan, too, was there to soothe the horrific ache of waiting; tucking Kate close to his side as her tears had begun to fall once more, hot and heavy and without apology, filled with dreams of a beautiful baby boy who had eyes to match his Daddy's.

* * *

It is only when she looks up to find Martha rushing towards them that Beckett realises just how terrified she is. Terrified of looking into the eyes of Martha and Alexis, of the two people who had come to feel so very much like her own family and finding that they blame her for putting Castle in danger, for failing in her promise to always protect him. And really, when all was said and done, would she blame them if they did?

Only, it isn't blame that Beckett is faced with, but love. Martha's dramatic flair and boundless enthusiasm transformed into motherly concern, whispering something about tea to Ryan and Esposito and wrapping Kate up in a hug the moment she reaches them.  
She takes the empty place next to Kate in waiting room, willing herself to hold it together, to be there for the girl who seemed suddenly so young, so fragile and not quite herself anymore.

It takes Kate a moment to catch her breath, to sink a little deeper into the comforting warmth of Martha's arms and find the strength to speak her fears aloud.

"Alexis?" She stutters, trying to ask after the girl she so greatly loves, but unable to clear the suffocating lump in her throat.

"Lanie has gone to pick her up, they'll be here soon."

Martha doesn't miss the shudder that racks through Kate's body as she speaks, nor the angry swipe of her palms as she desperately tries to rid herself of any trace of her tears. A glimmer of her determination returning; her spark and her fight. But she still looks so small, so vulnerable, a little girl trying to be fearless, to be strong; a look which causes Martha's heart to break not just for her son and her granddaughter, but for Kate Beckett, for the girl who has lived her entire life with the weight of the world upon her shoulders.

"Oh, my darling girl, there is no shame in tears. Not today, not with your family." She reassures, allowing Kate the freedom to feel whatever it is that she needs to feel; to shout and cry and scream if that is what will make it better.

"Thank you, Martha." Kate replies, sinking back into the older woman's embrace. Such simple words didn't seem quite enough, but they were all that she had, and deep down Kate knew that it didn't matter, because this was her family, and love doesn't ask for response, for acknowledgement, for gratitude; it just is.

* * *

Her head is groggy, misted by sleep and not quite able to find its place in the world, and for one blissful second Kate thinks that perhaps this day has all been a horrific dream; that Castle will be sleeping with his arms wrapped tight around her waist and breath tickling across her skin, but then the moment is gone, fleeting and beautiful and leaving her numb in the wake of the truth. The harsh light of reality greeting her in deafening tick of the clock that still taunts and teases, the sickening stench of antiseptic forcing her back to life, nauseous and aching and utterly exhausted.

She doesn't remember falling asleep, but then she doesn't really remember much of anything at all; at least, not past the blaring sirens and the blue lights. Her mind is a mess, a wreck, a barely held together jumble of doctors and nurses, of Ryan and Esposito, of Martha and Alexis, of tears that she thought would never stop falling and the agony of waiting.  
Blinking hard against the red-rimmed sting of sleep, she pulls herself up off of the makeshift bed of plastic chairs and folded jumpers, trying to piece together all that she has missed.

"Kate?" she turns towards the source of her name, finding Alexis cuddled up to her grandmother on the seats opposite; she looks tired, scared, but her eyes shine bright, dance with faith, with hope. The headstrong belief that Castle would be so proud of.

Pushing back her tangled hair, Beckett takes Alexis' outstretched hand in her own, heart pounding fast with relief, with love; she had be so scared that Alexis would blame her, hate her, and yet there she was, so grown up, so brave, somehow finding the strength to carry on, to offer Kate the hope that she was so desperately in need of.

* * *

Just when it is beginning to feel as if they have all been sat in the waiting room for so long that their lives before this horrendous day never truly existed, that the blank walls and lukewarm tea are all that they have ever known, Dr. Reynolds comes striding towards them, the fate of their hearts well and truly in his hands.

Kate tries to read his expression, forces herself to concentrate on his body langue, the blink of his eyes, the bite of his lips; anything at all that might end the crushing pain of waiting, of not knowing, of preparing for the worst. But he is a blank a page, years of practise preventing any hint of his emotions from showing; a trait that as Detective Beckett she knew well, but as Kate, terrified and suddenly very alone, it was one which she hated more than any other. Blood rushed through her ears and the entire room felt void of air, metallic and suffocating, teetering in the very edge of life; because this was it, this was their fate.

"He is going to be fine." Dr. Reynolds says, voice a well-practised beacon of calming certainty. He them all a moment before he continues, smiling despite himself at the sheer elation reverberating around the room. "It's going to be a long recovery, and Rick will need to spend some time in the hospital, but right now all you need to know is that the surgery went well and he is out of the woods."

Beckett tries to listen to what he is saying, wills herself to concentrate on talk of recovery time and hospital wards, but those six little words are whirling so very beautifully through her mind that it is almost impossible to do so. Because _he is going to be fine_, and really, that is all that matters. Castle is here, he's alive, and their family isn't going to be torn apart.

* * *

To be continued..

First off, I want to say how very sorry I am for taking so long to update this story.  
I ran out of summer holiday in which to write, and then just couldn't find the inspiration to carry it on.

I hope that you are still enjoying it?

Thank you for reading,  
Katie


	6. Part Six

**Part Six**

Dr. Reynolds was allowing them to visit Castle in the recovery ward, but urged that they did so in no more than two at a time so as not to overwhelm Castle all at once.  
Hearing the doctor's conditions, Beckett had immediately told Alexis and Martha to visit him first, assuring them that she would be ok to wait for as long as they needed. They had both been so good to her, so strong and brave in the face of her crumbling desperation, and giving them this opportunity to be with Castle was the least that she could do to repay them, even if her tentative grip on the world seemed to be wavering a little more with each second that passed.

Needing to do something, anything to keep her tormented mind far from its thoughts of what this day could have become, Beckett excuses herself from the waiting room that is once again beginning to taunt and tease her with the threat of nausea, making her way to the bathroom that lies a little way down the corridor.

Too preoccupied to care about the echoing bang of the door as it crashes into the tiled walls, she grips onto the porcelain sink so tightly that the blood drains from her knuckles, muscles burning and freezing water rushing as fast as the taps will allow in an attempt to drown out the ragged breaths that hitch painfully in her chest.  
Somewhere hidden deep at the back of her mind is a voice telling her that this isn't good for her, isn't good for either of them. The stress that she is putting on her body is too much, the pounding of her heart so fast that blood pulsates in her ears and the trembling of her knees proof of the exhaustion that she knows is written across her entire body. She has to stop. Has to give up the haunting reverie of pushing herself so close to destruction that the whole world disappears at her fingertips; maybe once, a long time ago, this would have helped, but now she has the baby to think of, _their baby, _and this little show of self destruction was putting them both at risk.

Willing herself on with the pure force of love that she already feels for the tiny life that hides safe in her belly, Beckett listens to her voice of reason and lets out a great, choking breath of relief. Her lungs are burning, her chest is heaving, her eyes are stung so salty that there aren't any tears left to fall; but she feels better, stronger, as if by surviving the threat of rock bottom she has proved herself worthy of her decision to put the needs of Alexis and Martha above her own. It's a thought of pure madness, but it's all that she has right now.

* * *

It's almost half an hour later when Lanie walks through the bathroom door, hurried steps and bright eyes telling Kate that she is searching for her before her best friend even says a word.

"Castle?" she asks, voice hoarse and unsure of itself after such a very long time trapped away by her own thoughts.

"Alexis is just saying goodnight," answers Lanie, walking over to offer Beckett a shoulder to lean on as they both head out into the fluorescent lights of the corridor, hoping that if she can just hold her close enough, a little of her strength will seep through to the weary bones of her beloved Kate. "Martha said he is still groggy from the anaesthetic, but he's doing good, Kate, he's doing really good."

"Yeah?"

"Sweetie, the man waited four years for you to finally come to your senses and tell him that you loved him, it's going to take a lot more than a bullet to take him away from your happily-ever-after of crime fighting and coffee for two!"

"Thank you." she sighs, a smile almost tugging at the corners of her lips, incredibly grateful for Lanie's ability to always find exactly the right words.

"Any time." she replies as they both come to a stop a few feet from the recovery ward, hugging Beckett close for a last burst of courage, "Now, you go and tell Castle how much you love him, and you make damn sure to kiss him properly."

* * *

As Kate knocks gently against the door and lets herself into the half-light of Castle's room, those six words are suddenly back as her salvation, a mantra of hope; _he is going to be fine, he is going to be fine, he is going to be fine,_ rolling again and again through the fog of her mind. Fighting against emotions too contradictory to fully understand; exhaustion and fear and love and others that she can't quite name, every torturous second of waiting leading up to this exact moment in time, and now it's here and she isn't at all sure of what to do.

She wants to be near to Castle, as close as possible, closer than ever before and holding on so tight that she might never let go again, to keep their little family tucked up safe and warm where she knows they can't come to any harm. She wants to run, to fly, to be with him even as she stands nervously by the door, tired eyes doing their best to adjust to the curtained darkness of the room. But she's scared, unsure, almost shy as she wills her feet to keep moving forwards, but they won't listen. What if she hurts him? What if she does something wrong? Because so desperate is her need to touch him, to hold him, to feel the heat of his skin and the steady beat of his heart, that she's not sure if she'll be able to sit in the arm chair that has been pulled next to his bedside without the strength of his arms to hold her as she cries for the man she loves and the life that they still have ahead of them.  
She's being selfish, of course she is, and foolish, and she feels on the verge of madness for not the first time that day, but all that she has thought of since watching the swarm of doctors and nurses wheeling Castle away from her is how wonderful it will be to cuddle close to him and feel the drum of life through his veins, and now she can, now he's here with her, and she is so completely terrified of causing him more pain by doing so that she can't seem to do anything at all.  
And so she stops, stands in the darkness and does nothing at all, heart and head more at war than she has ever known.

"Kate?" his voice is a less than a whisper, a sigh weighted with the sleepy draw of medication, an exhalation so delicate that it barely exists at all, and yet to Beckett it is as if he is shouting to her from the rooftops. Her internal battle forgotten entirely as she rushes towards him, following the call of her name as Castle saves her without even knowing it.

"Oh, Rick." she breathes, "It's so good to see you." Her fingertips instinctively reaching out to softly run through his wayward hair just as they had that morning as she kissed him in morgue, the last lingering traces of her uncertainty disappearing as his eyes sought out her own with a look that mirrors exactly her need to be so much closer.

"Sshhh, I know." he soothes, catching the drop of a tear with the pad of his thumb before it can make its cascading path across her cheek, "I know."

And he does, he knows exactly how she feels, because he's sat in that awful waiting room with her blood on his hands, preying to a God that never before was he certain of that the woman he loved would make it through the night, and every day since he has made sure to remind himself of how unbelievably lucky he is to have Kate Beckett in his life, and this night will be no exception.

Fighting against the ache of his muscles and the wrench of his stitches, he makes room for her to join him on the bed, remembering all too vividly how he had longed to be with her in the hospital on that fateful day, "Come here."

"But?"

"But, nothing. You won't hurt me, Kate, you won't make it any worse."

"Promise me, Castle. Promise me?"

"I promise."

"Ok." she agrees, wiggling her feet free of her boots and settling against the mattress so that they are facing each other, smile sweet and pure against his lips as she cautiously leans up to kiss him, body softening as she melts into the beautiful familiarly of his caress.

Only when Castle is certain that he has calmed the raging seas of Kate's exhausted mind does he allow himself the pleasure of changing the course of their conversation. Pulling back just far enough to look into the depths of her exquisite eyes, he traces the line of her body until he reaches the soft skin of her belly, palm pressed tight to taut expanse that will soon be rounded with heavy curves as he repeats the words that saw him through the darkness, "We're having a baby."

"Yes," she laughs, carefree and unburdened if only for a fleeting moment of joy and celebration, butterflies dancing low in her belly as she allows herself to truly believe that everything is going to be ok, "Yes, we are."

* * *

They've both lost track of the real world, conscious only of the conversations that are lazily passing between their hospital bed cocoon; beautiful imaginings of what their future will hold, Castle telling stories of their baby girl with hazel eyes to match her Mama's, and Beckett certain of the little boy who will be a perfect miniature of his Daddy, both agreeing on the dreamlike excitement that they share for their tiny miracle of love and science and perhaps even a little magic.

It's only when he catches Beckett trying to stifle her fifth yawn in as many minutes that Castle realises the midnight hour, twinged with guilt at not having noticed sooner, at being so overwhelmed by his fairy tales of their future that he had lost sight of their present, knowing that the strain of the day would have been torture to her already shattered body. "Come on, Darling, time for bed."

"Mmm 'hum," she mumbles - half agreeance, half protest.

Castle reaches over to turn off the bedside lamp, pressing a kiss to the top of her head as he does, offering her a silent promise that it is ok to go to sleep, that he will still be there when she wakes up.

"Goodnight," he whispers, watching mesmerised as Kate stretches out onto her back, seductive and almost feline as she buries herself into the comfort of their shared mattress, absentmindedly pulling up the hem of her shirt as his palm finds its new home atop her belly, her own hands heavy with sleep as they weave between the IV drips and heart monitors to interlock their fingers.

"Love you, Rick." she breathes from somewhere so close to sleep that Castle is sure she is already dreaming, nuzzling herself a little closer to his side.

"I love you, too" he replies, following soon after into the world of make believe; perfect dreams of life and love and a family of their own awaiting them both that night, welcoming them to a future more beautiful than either had ever allowed themselves to imagine.

**End.**

* * *

Goodness, I am so sorry for all of the delays in this story - real life has gotten a little too in the way.  
I just hope that the wait won't have put you off reading entirely!

I'd love to know what you thought of the final chapter / story as a whole?  
& I am thinking about (eventually) writing a sequel - I guess just to let everyone know that they really do get their happily-ever-after of little Castle babies :') Of course, that is if anyone would be interested in reading it.

Thank you ever so much for sticking with this story until the end, I really do appreciate it!  
Happy holidays,  
Katie

Twitter: katieupatree

*P.s. I know that the final chapter's speech isn't in italics ..I have finally gotten myself out of the habit, and need to edit them out of the first five. But it's already half past two, so I will do so in the morning.*


End file.
